𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

It's been quite a few weeks since my last blog. As much as I enjoy writing blogs, I can't force myself to write one; it has to come from my heart. 

So today is one of those days when words are just flowing. Afiyah has been a little unsettled lately, with outbursts of tears. Some days, she does this, and I can't seem to find an external trigger. Hence, I believe it must be an internal trigger that is displaying this kind of behaviour. 

As a behavioural analyst, I automatically start the process of elimination to find out the reason behind her behaviour. It's a very effective method to get to the bottom of every behaviour. If you've been to one of my Autism Workshops, then you would know how much I emphasise the fact that 'behaviour is a language' and 'there's always an underlying reason behind every behaviour'. 

Whilst working out the underlying reason and trying to deal with behaviours in the best way possible, I always make sure I am using the 'Language of Love' with Afiyah. 

Since we know 'behaviour is a language', let's consider our behaviour when dealing with autistic people's behaviours. 

If I were to get upset and angry every time Afiyah displayed any behaviour, it would have a negative impact on her, and her behaviours would escalate further. But if I were to show compassion and love whilst she was displaying a behaviour, she would get a sense of comfort and love, and her behaviours would most likely reduce. 

Can you see how my behaviour (language of love) positively impacts Afiyah's behaviour?! 

Love is a powerful tool, and everyone responds to love far better than any other emotion. Love can have several meanings, but in this scenario, love means compassion, understanding, and empathy. With each of her behaviours, I learn something new about Afiyah and myself, and the more compassionate I am with her, the more likely her negative behaviours are to improve. 

I have such a strong belief in the language of love that I have a completely separate language for Afiyah. To my surprise, she understands it. It's a mixture of English, Urdu and some made-up words. You must be thinking, how can a non-speaking, autistic young adult understand a made-up language? But the fact is, it's a language filled with love, and it doesn't take much for her to know what I am saying. It's a sense of comfort, compassion, and empathy that she understands more than the words themselves. It's such a powerful experience for both of us and the more I practice it, the more it becomes a habit for me. 

Even for us as parents, carers and professionals, it's all about creating positive habits in our everyday lives to overcome the challenges we face. Remember you are as important as your children, and think about what you can do to improve your well-being. Could you use the 'language of love' for yourself, too? This doesn't mean you create a new made-up language (hahaha...), but it means you are compassionate towards yourself, too. 

If you want more insight into behaviour analysis and how to deal with behaviours positively, please join our workshops on 'Understanding Autism & Dealing with Behavioural Challenges'. Keep an eye out by clicking here. Also, check out my previous blog, 'Let's Get This Autistic Person in a Headlock', for more insight on positive handling – this blog's heading might seem the opposite of positive handling, but you will be surprised at how much you will understand behaviour and learn positive skills by the end of it.

I am not sure when I'll write another blog, but until then, stay safe and remember to use the Language of Love for yourself and your loved ones 🤗